Responding to Conflict

When there is potential conflict or actual full-blown conflict there can be a variety of ways to respond. We can make no response, which can be described as conflict avoidance or denial. The downside of avoidance and denial is that disputes, rather than being constructively managed, slowly simmer until they explode, catching us and often the rest of the congregation off guard. There are of course times when no response is required other than prayer. “No response” should never be motivated by fear.

We can make an inappropriate response which is usually because of an absence of analysis or a poor analysis of the situation. This is often the case when we react emotionally.  When we are emotionally upset it is advisable to say nothing and wait for another time to say what we need to say. We can often live to regret hastily made comments, and letters written and Facebook comments made before we have allowed our emotions to subside and reason to emerge.

We can make an ineffective response and often create a greater conflict. Or we can make an appropriate response which is based on effective spiritual discernment and application of the most appropriate approach to deal with the conflict.

Developing a Culture of Grace

When we take a biblical approach and balance grace with truth or as Henry Cloud says, “Lead with grace,” it sets the stage for the other person to be able to tolerate the truth. We should always try to keep grace and truth integrated and woven together in our discussion.

Grace does not ignore the truth but rather empowers the person to hear it. In James 2:13 we read “mercy triumphs over judgment.” This should be remembered especially when confrontation is required. The benefit of a good confrontation is that it preserves love in a relationship.

Often in a conflict there is a need for forgiveness to be given. People need to realise that their willingness to forgive is not dependent on how the other person responds. Extending grace and forgiveness sets us free. We no longer need to spend precious emotional energy thinking about the day oppressors will get what they deserve. Grace and forgiveness lifts that weight from our shoulders. When we release people from our personal judgment and leave it for God to see that justice prevails, it allows people to more easily hear what He is saying to them.

To be continued…